I seem to be carrying nearly all the weight (approx. 30 extra pounds) in my belly! As the morning security guard at work says, "Mama, you carryin' ALL in front!" Hahaha. While I'm glad not to be puffy and swollen all over, there are definitely disadvantages, getting in an out of the seats on the Long Island Railroad being a major one. My balance is not so good anymore, and I've been reduced to a slow waddle, no matter how fast I want to get to my destination. The first week of the Institute was last week, and I'm still commuting daily and putting in a full day. It's been exhausting.
It's still hard for me to believe that Lumpy could arrive at any time! And that soon there will be a whole new miniature person for us to get to know and love and encourage. I'm still thinking in abstract terms of weight (estimated at 6 pounds, 5 ounces last week) and fetal heartbeat, still taking for granted that as long as she's still inside, I can nourish and protect her. As ready as I am to be relieved of the physical burdens of late term pregnancy, I already feel a little fear and anxiety about bringing her into this dangerous, unpredictable, and threatening world.
I also feel some anxiety about how much our lives will change. Dave and I already wish that we had more time to spend relaxing with each other, since work and commuting take up so many hours of the day. I'm sure we'll look back on these childless days and wonder why we ever felt that way. Tonight we took a (slow) walk to the nearest park after dinner and observed the little changes in the neighborhood, stared at the cute dogs trotting on their evening walk, and chatted about various things on our minds. It's going to be so much harder to communicate well and stay connected when we are both sleep-deprived, physically exhausted, stressed out about falling behind at work, and feeling like we each need more support from the other, while having no energy left to give.
But I know Lumpy will give us joy we can't even anticipate, and we are so fortunate to have the support of local family and friends (as well as the ones far away!). When I look at the piles of thoughtful gifts and all the baby items we've borrowed from others, I'm reminded that we're not in this alone. So we march forward, one day at a time, waiting for Lumpy to come! And even after she is here, it'll probably be the same — marching forward, one day at a time — but this time, as a family of three. Until then!
Wow - I'm with the security guard. No wonder your "balance is not so good" these days! ;) So excited for you all during these last few weeks. Can't wait to see you all +Lumpy soon!
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