Lost and Found

For the first time last week, I lost my wallet. Like, completely gone, no clue where it could have gone, vanished. I definitely had it on Thursday evening, when I opened my wallet for the LIRR conductor; I handed him the ticket to click, replaced the ticket, then stowed away(?) my wallet in my purse. Dave picked me up from the station in his car; we drove home and picked up Maddie from Joy (our nanny). Then we went out to dinner, but Dave paid, so I didn't need to look for my wallet. We stopped by Stephen's house after dinner to say hi and pick up some tools, but I think I left my purse in the car. At any rate, when the LIRR conductor came by to click my ticket on Friday morning, there was no wallet in my purse. It wasn't at home, it wasn't in the car, it wasn't at the restaurant, it wasn't at Stephen's, it wasn't at the LIRR Lost and Found yet. I had no idea what had happened to it: had I left it behind on the train? Did it fall out of my purse? Did someone reach into my purse and take it? Did I leave it at the restaurant and someone picked it up? A good Samaritan surely would have emailed me by then—my work email is very easy to find by Googling my name.

Fortunately, I had my work ID and a separate credit card squirreled away elsewhere in my purse. But by the time I got to work on Friday morning, I was in full panic mode. Call the credit card companies! Order a new debit card! Order a new driver's license! And most importantly (I guess?): cancel your New York Public Library card so a thief doesn't check out books under your name and then never return them!!!

By Friday evening, I was resigned to the loss. At least most things were replaceable, and as long as no one stole my identity using the information from my driver's license, I would only be out the cost of the cash ($140), my LIRR tickets ($200), my Metrocard ($50), the cost of the wallet itself, and something of sentimental value: my credit card-sized periodic table that says "Proud to be a Chemist" on the back. Don't ask me why I'm still carrying this card from high school. The answer is: I don't know.

Then, a minor miracle! On Saturday afternoon, we received a mysterious visit from...the mailman! He handed me my wallet, saying "My supervisor told me to give this to you." Everything was still there, minus the cash, and my driver's license. I asked the mailman, "Wow, this is amazing! But do you know what happened to my driver's license?" He called the supervisor, who said that it had fallen out and that she had it, and he went back to the post office, picked it up, and brought it back to me! Apparently someone had just put the wallet in a mailbox, and it was taken to the post office, and the post office returned it to me! I didn't even know they could do that. There are still some mysteries: why didn't they just return the driver's license with the wallet, since they knew they went together? Why was everything in the wallet so...damp? And when truly did I lose the wallet?

I suppose I'll never know. Just count me grateful that someone only wanted the cash and didn't want anything else to do with me. S/he took only the cash, and left me the hundreds in public transportation cards! So the only cost was really $140, a day of stress/anxiety, and the $20 for the new driver's license. I'll take it! And be more careful with my wallet from now on...

Input Output

Look at this little face!!!

The past week and a half has been pretty intense! On Madeleine's fifth day of life, she ended up back in the NICU. My milk hadn't come in, and she was jaundiced and dehydrated – the giant hematoma on her head didn't help, either. These are relatively easy, straightforward things to fix, of course, but I was still startled and upset. I had been feeding on demand, 10-12 times a day, just like I was supposed to, etc., etc., but it wasn't meeting her needs. She was under the lights for several hours and on an IV to increase her fluids; fortunately, she was able to come home about twenty four hours later.

The lactation consultant in the NICU sent us home with a program called "the triple feeding plan." At least every three hours, I was to nurse her, then someone else would supplement from a bottle with expressed breastmilk, then with formula. While that someone else was supplementing her, I would pump as much as I could. This was a multi-person job! I spent a lot of quality time with this hospital-grade, rental pump, the Medela Symphony:

It was exhausting. Nursing would take about 45 minutes, then I'd pump for another 45 minutes or so, leaving only about an hour and 15 minutes before the routine would begin again. In that time, I might try to eat, sleep, brush my teeth, etc.

The good news is that the program worked! My milk supply increased, we were able to scale back on supplementing, then cut out supplementation all together. I've been exclusively breastfeeding since Friday, M. is gaining weight really well, and I no longer have to pump at all! So the plan worked, and the Medela Symphony probably made it all happen. Thank you, Medela Symphony!

Okay, but that's not really accurate. The plan also worked because of all the support I have: Dave has been home from working, frantically writing emails and taking care of his studies in between feedings and diaper changes. Dave's cousin, Grace, is studying to be a lactation consultant in Texas, and she gave us great advice and helpful reassurance throughout the process; she also told me about the "hands on pumping" technique, which made a huge difference for me. My dad has come every weekend and taken his turn doing the late night bottle feedings and changings. And my mom has been here since M.'s birth, keeping us all alive. Mom has been providing me the perfect, nutritious diet for a nursing mother; she changes diapers, wakes the baby when it's time to nurse, helps me get her to latch, sings her songs and swaddles her properly, gives her baths and soothes her to sleep, does the laundry and runs the dishwasher, runs errands, and our tupperware cabinet is organized for the first time since we moved in. We wouldn't have made it without her.

There's so much anxiety and pressure around the importance of breastfeeding. I'm really grateful that after about ten days of intensive effort, we're back on track, and most importantly, Madeleine is thriving. Already from the very start of her life, I see how I alone cannot be adequate for her, but that she needs us all. A humbling, but important lesson!

37 Weeks

My due date is getting closer...and I'm getting larger!

I seem to be carrying nearly all the weight (approx. 30 extra pounds) in my belly! As the morning security guard at work says, "Mama, you carryin' ALL in front!" Hahaha. While I'm glad not to be puffy and swollen all over, there are definitely disadvantages, getting in an out of the seats on the Long Island Railroad being a major one. My balance is not so good anymore, and I've been reduced to a slow waddle, no matter how fast I want to get to my destination. The first week of the Institute was last week, and I'm still commuting daily and putting in a full day. It's been exhausting.

It's still hard for me to believe that Lumpy could arrive at any time! And that soon there will be a whole new miniature person for us to get to know and love and encourage. I'm still thinking in abstract terms of weight (estimated at 6 pounds, 5 ounces last week) and fetal heartbeat, still taking for granted that as long as she's still inside, I can nourish and protect her. As ready as I am to be relieved of the physical burdens of late term pregnancy, I already feel a little fear and anxiety about bringing her into this dangerous, unpredictable, and threatening world.

I also feel some anxiety about how much our lives will change. Dave and I already wish that we had more time to spend relaxing with each other, since work and commuting take up so many hours of the day. I'm sure we'll look back on these childless days and wonder why we ever felt that way. Tonight we took a (slow) walk to the nearest park after dinner and observed the little changes in the neighborhood, stared at the cute dogs trotting on their evening walk, and chatted about various things on our minds. It's going to be so much harder to communicate well and stay connected when we are both sleep-deprived, physically exhausted, stressed out about falling behind at work, and feeling like we each need more support from the other, while having no energy left to give.

But I know Lumpy will give us joy we can't even anticipate, and we are so fortunate to have the support of local family and friends (as well as the ones far away!). When I look at the piles of thoughtful gifts and all the baby items we've borrowed from others, I'm reminded that we're not in this alone. So we march forward, one day at a time, waiting for Lumpy to come! And even after she is here, it'll probably be the same — marching forward, one day at a time — but this time, as a family of three. Until then!

A Baby Shower for Lumpy

A few weeks ago, my mom and sister-in-law planned a lovely baby shower for me and Lumpy! It was held at a country club in West Chester. I was very happy that a lot of my relatives and my mom's friends could make it, but it was a bit far from New York for most of my friends. The theme was Peter Rabbit! I'm fond of the children's book, plus it makes for a sweet theme for spring. Grace came up with lots of charming decorating ideas, centered around vegetables and gardens:

The carrot party favor bags were filled with pretzels, and all the children got to take home a miniature Beatrix Potter story book. My mom designed the centerpieces with spring blooms and edible garnishes. Peter Rabbit would have munched away with delight.

Mrs. Carlson shared a special blessing on our gathering and little Lumpy:

I was glad Dave's mom and sister could attend!

We had a few activities: the mothers in attendance shared their parenting wisdom with me; we also participated in a Peter Rabbit quiz (which was not very easy) and folks tried to guess my preferences about which traits Lumpy will inherit from each of her parents.

A group of my friends were able to make the trip to help us celebrate! Look at our smiles:

And here we are, expecting mother and father:

It's funny – at the time of the shower, Lumpy's arrival still seemed quite far off. But now that I'm almost to 34 weeks, I feel that that's really changed! Now when people ask me about the due date, I can answer "around 6 weeks from now," which really puts it in perspective. We still have loads to do to prepare for Lumpy, and we're both trying to get a lot of work done now in anticipation of our productivity dipping (forever). But I just keep trying to remember that Lumpy won't care if the nursery has coordinated furniture, a hand-painted mural on the wall, and the latest in adorable baby gear; she'll just need to be fed, put to sleep properly, kept clean and warm, and loved and cherished. With the help of our families and friends, I think we can manage that! Now, if only I can manage the next several weeks...

The Big Announcement

I've been neglecting this blog...it's not that I haven't had much to say, but that I wasn't ready to say it. Now I'm ready to share our biggest news yet: I'm expecting! First, let me introduce you all to our "Lumpy":

And here's what I'm looking like these days:

 

 

 Some FAQs:

-Will you be having a boy or a girl?
It's a girl! We are very happy.

-How far along are you? When is your due date?
I am 29 weeks today. She is due July 3rd. She'll be a Freedom Baby!

-How are you feeling?
Relative to a lot of other pregnant women, I shouldn't complain. I'm able to eat and sleep and go to work every day. But I am feeling increasingly exhausted and have much less stamina than I used to. I need a lot of rest, so I'm trying to find ways to sneak it in (naps on the train, naps in my office chair, etc.), while conserving energy where I can (less socializing, carrying less weight in my backpack, etc.). The commute plus teaching back-to-back classes are the hardest parts.

-Are you getting time off from your work?
Yes! I'm still keeping my fingers crossed, as not everything has been signed on the dotted line. But it looks like I'll be teaching until I go into labor (I'll be as involved as I can with my summer program in June and early July). Once Lumpy comes, I'll be on temporary disability leave for several weeks, until my program ends. I'll be responsible for the final wrap-up administrative work in August/September, but then I get my usual fall annual leave in Oct.-Dec. Then I'll use my parental leave proper next spring, so I won't have to teach until Summer 2017. I know I complain a lot about my job, but this is one reason to be very grateful for it – and for my union. I will still have administrative and research responsibilities, but my schedule will be extremely flexible, and I will certainly have most days at home. Hurray!


-Are you excited?
Yes! But also nervous and scared about how much our lives will change and how challenging it is to know how to parent a child. Since I teach college students, I have a lot of exposure to people just as they leave their parents' home and set off on their own path; and wow, obviously some kids are going to be better adjusted than others, probably due in part to individual temperament and in part to how they were raised. It's so intimidating to think about how much influence we will have, despite our ignorance and lack of wisdom about so many things. Even worse, we might not discover the various consequences of our choices for a couple decades! But I know we'll cross each bridge as it comes, and in the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy this stage of waiting to meet our little baby. Just a few more months to go!

32!

It was my birthday on Monday! I turned 32. It's nice to be a power of 2. Although the day itself was quiet and devoted to going to work and rehearsals, I still had some nice celebrations. I realized that we did the same sort of thing this year for my birthday as we did last year:

There was the family dinner out at a local restaurant, this time at Brasilian barbecue:

But this year, look how big Matthias is! He's becoming his own little person:

A. is fascinated by the flame. M. is just happy.

Clap, monkey, clap!

Dave took me out to dinner in Brooklyn. So hip at Buttermilk Channel! Here I am with my whole grilled black bass, so delicious:

And a beautiful bouquet from Nancy and her family. It's a burst of spring in a week when we're sliding back into winter:

Of course, the biggest difference in this year's birthday is that Dave and I could return from dinner to the same home. He's not packing his bags, getting in the car, and making the long drive back to Michigan. The "shrine to Dave" photo mobile he gave me is still hanging in our bedroom, but it serves as a reminder of happy memories, not a stand-in for his actual presence. He's been here for five months now, but it still feels like a miracle.

Thanksgiving 2014

This was the year of shortest travel for Thanksgiving in many years – the first reason to be thankful! We had lots of time to play with the kids:

 Human-powered Dumbo ride

Cousins with matching bunny slippers

Some traditions were broken...Thanksgiving Day football is a sacred rite in our family, but this year, the field looked like this:

I know it's not THAT snowy, but the idea of cold and wet feet did NOT appeal. There were some hardier folks, though, who kept the tradition alive:

We had Thanksgiving devotional in the family room:

This year's text included a discussion of proper handling of the Ark of the Covenant. The kids got involved:

Kids demonstrate what happens if you try to transport the Ark in a wagon and you touch it: you fall over dead.

Proper Ark transport – carried on shoulders, accompanied by a joyful noise

Happy Thanksgiving!

the End!

Never has the end of summer looked so good to me. At last, I can say that I have survived my first year on the job! My summer program ended last week, and although there were a number of bumps and hiccups along the way, we all managed to make it to the end in one piece. It was a hard slog (as evidenced by the recent dearth of posts). Looking back, I was probably overly ambitious in deciding to take on learning and teaching a new curriculum at the program at the same time as I was also directing for the first time. Ah well. I think it was worth it, and next year will be better all around, I expect.

Now that the program is over, I can look ahead and rejoice in the months to come. Dave and I found a beautiful new apartment, just 1.5 mi from Stephen and Grace. I can walk to a train station with a great train schedule, and Dave will have convenient highway access for his driving commute. We'll both still have long commutes, but we'll see if we can make it work. Dave doesn't start his new job full-time until November 1, but we'll be able to be back and forth together sometimes, which will make things much easier. Our apartment has a guest room and plenty of space, so, loyal readers: come visit us, please!

Here are a few snapshots from my summer program:

Caffeine was necessary. My mug is on the left; my colleague's on the right. Do you like my "Mr. Tea" infuser? I kept by my vow to stick with tea (not coffee) all summer!

 We discovered the über-pretzel at Reichenbach Hall. It was as glorious as it looks.

 Students compete with faculty in our annual verb-conjugation throwdown.

 Students decipher the text on a manuscript.

Students check out the real deal at the Morgan Library and Archives.

Epic Philly Weekend

I'm on the Greyhound back to New York, tuckered out from a packed anniversary weekend! Dave and I were determined to be tourists in Philly this weekend, taking in the historic sights, eating out, and paying for parking. We paid for parking multiple times and didn't even fight about it! Life progress.

On Saturday, Dave and I went to check out the historic sites in Old City. Though we wanted to act like tourists, we neglected to plan like tourists, so many of the tours were already booked up. We did, however, get to visit Old City Hall and the old Congress Hall. We missed Independence Hall, and the line for the Liberty Bell was too long, but we achieved at least one goal: an encounter with the visitor center's mascots.

Then we fulfilled Dave's longtime dream by visiting the U.S. Mint. I have an intellectual block in which I can't deal with anything having to do with coins, but the visit was actually pretty interesting. I guess in theory, numismatics is interesting and important. It's just when I come face to face with a coin that I want to run away. I took no pictures of the Mint. We do, however, have other touristy pictures: the Barnes Foundation, Logan Fountain, and Elfreth's Alley.

The primary reason we were in Philly was to celebrate the wedding of my lovely friends, A. and A. The ceremony and reception were held at Bartram's Garden, a beautiful historic garden just off Island Avenue. It was peaceful and rustic, yet convenient to I-95. Who knew? The weather was absolutely perfect, as is the couple. The collage below includes a picture of the bride doing a traditional Greek dance to bouzouki music with her parents!

We spent our actual anniversary at the Philadelphia Zoo. It felt like summer's already in full swing, with the hordes of children, warm weather, and my craving for ice cream.

And finally, let's talk about food. Cheesesteaks from Tony Luke's (whiz wit', please), real Italian hoagies, Franklin Fountain Ice Cream, an 11-course tasting menu at Serpico, and "Choo-choo Train," my favorite Vietnamese restaurant whose real name I can't pronounce. Ah, the tastes of home.

One year

Can you believe it? Dave and I are celebrating our first anniversary this weekend in Philadelphia! Remember this?

It feels strange to have reached this milestone already. I did a rough survey last night of how often we've been together, and we have spent less than 50% of our first year of marriage in the same state as one another. It's not what I had dreamed of for my life or marriage so far. I know more about living with Stephen and Grace and two little ones than I know about living with my own husband! In a way, I feel like we haven't "earned" our anniversary, since we haven't lived life together for a year yet. I feel like we've had a two year engagement, just with a wedding in the middle. We're committed to each other, we know we want to be together, we are preparing to share our lives, and we're still waiting for the fulfillment to come.

And yet when I look through pictures like the one above, all of the emotions rush right back to the surface. There's my husband, there are the commitments we made, and despite the distance this year, I know that we have grown together, learned to love each other more deeply, and discovered many of the blessings and challenges of marriage.

My hope is that this year of patience, enduring alone, and loving while apart will have developed relationship skills that will save us in the times ahead. In the meantime, we continue to wait for good news about Dave's job, and we do our thing every day. But this weekend: CHEESESTEAKS.

Oh yeah: hello ladies! You're the best.

Pressure Cooker Palooza 2014

Today is Mother's Day, and for the first time, Dave and I spent it with each of our mothers. Hurray for returning closer to home! We took Dave's parents out to lunch in NJ; it was a beautiful day, and we ate our first meal of the season outdoors. But before we went to lunch, Dave played most of the Moonlight Sonata for his mom. She was surprised and delighted.

In the afternoon, back on L.I., Stephen and I prepared a Mother's Day meal for my mother and Grace. We usually pick a "theme ingredient" (Iron Chef-style) that unites all of the courses. This year, we upped the ante: we'd have a theme ingredient (orange) AND a theme technique (pressure cooker)! It was Pressure Cooker Palooza 2014!

 It's a three pressure cooker kind of meal!

 Chickpea and Artichoke Tagine

Bacon-braised Brussel Sprouts, Pomegranate-Orange Short Ribs, Mashed Sweet Potato

 

Red-wine Poached Pears with Marscapone

And here's one happy grandma, in matching aprons with her granddaughter: