some results

Today Dave returned to Michigan, and I remained in New York. We are not sure how long this arrangement will last, but I desperately hope to find a resolution in the next few months. In the meantime, I am reflecting on some lessons I learned from my therapist in the Fall. I found my therapist online, and he was a pleasant and encouraging person. He didn't have much to say that I haven't already thought about myself. And there isn't that much I can do mentally that will change the fundamentals of my situation: I still have to do my job every day; I still have to live apart from Dave; I still have to experience this difficult transition; I still have to wait for future plans to become clear. But there are a few things that he told me in our sessions that I want to record, so I can remind myself about them in the future:

• I am not my job. We all wear multiple hats, but I often view myself solely as an academic, rather than remembering that I'm also an individual, wife, daughter, sister, friend, community member. My career is an important and significant aspect of my life, but it is only part of the whole.
• I cannot control anyone or anything beyond myself. When things go wrong at work, I can try my hardest to fix them and put the program on the best possible footing. But in each of the issues, there are multiple parties involved. I have to accept that sometimes things won't be fixed the way I want them to, and that's not my fault.
• I am not trapped and alone. As much as I feel weighed down by my job, I need to remember that I have freedom – I have a loving spouse, the support of my family, wonderful friends; I have the financial resources to pay my bills and live in a safe and comfortable place; I am healthy and young. This is just one stage of my life; I have to go through it, but it will eventually turn into a new stage, even if I stay in this same job for many years. And even if everything in my career goes disastrously downhill, I will not be abandoned to some kind of failed life.

It's time for me to put this knowledge into action and get it done! The next eight months are going to be a wild ride...