One Week Old

Happy one-week birthday, Madeleine! At this time a week ago, I was nearly fully dilated and getting ready to push. How things can change in a mere week! She is a calm and contented baby, sleeping well and hardly needing a pacifier. She loves being held and cuddled, and is happiest right after she's done eating. I tried to pull myself together long enough to take a few pictures this afternoon, and here are some of my favorites from my faux-Anne-Geddes attempts:

What a cutie!

Welcome, Madeleine!

Five days ago, our lives completely changed. Madeleine Florence H. arrived in the world!

She was due on July 3rd, but decided to make her entrance eight days early. She is already showing her considerate nature: she arrived over the weekend, so I wasn't at work, while my parents were already in town! When we went to sleep on Friday night, our main plan for Saturday was to clean up the apartment, finish decorating the nursery, and fix the screens on the balcony. Expectations = UNFULFILLED.

I awoke at 4 am on Saturday morning, thinking that I had to go to the bathroom. I soon felt what I would usually describe as menstrual cramps, and between 5 and 6 am, it dawned on me that perhaps I was in labor! I walked around to see if they would stop, but they didn't. By the time I woke Dave at 8 am, my contractions were coming about every 10 minutes. I had thought that I would spend several hours in that state, so Dave took care of some last minute details, and we planned to go for a walk later. But by 10:30 am, my contractions were 45-60 seconds long, 5 minutes apart, the threshold for going to the hospital. By the time we arrived, I was in a lot of pain. So I was shocked when the doctor told me that I was only 1 cm dilated and that I needed to go home, walk around, and labor elsewhere for several hours. Actually, I cried when I found out, because I already knew that I wasn't in good enough shape to walk around, and I didn't see how, if I already made the threshold for being at the hospital, I would know when I could come back.

So we went home discouraged, and I screamed a lot. Dave took patient care of me, but there wasn't much he could do. Those hours at home are a blur to me – in between contractions, I was so tired that my eyelids would close involuntarily and my mind would start to drift. After a few hours of this, I called the doctor and begged him to admit me to the hospital. He agreed, but he was unhappy about it: to start an epidural so early in the process increased my risk of c-section; if labor continued to go slowly, they would need to intervene, but I was not yet at my due date, etc. But I didn't really care at that point...I don't really remember getting to the hospital and being admitted. I think I was delirious at that point. Dave would ask me straightforward, yes-or-no questions like, "Do you want more water?" And I would say "MAYBE" or "I DON'T KNOW." Poor Dave.

Epidurals are manna from heaven, better than true love! I was shaking in agony, unable to process anything going on around me, in a complete fog; I had dilated to 3 cm, though, which was a good sign. Two minutes after the epidural went in, I was chatting with the anesthesiologist about the Common Core curriculum at the University of Chicago – I was back to my self again. Fifteen minutes after the epidural, though, baby's heartbeat dropped. A bunch of people rushed into the room, turned me to one side, then the other, put me on oxygen, got me on all fours, and after 7-8 minutes, baby's heartbeat returned to normal. The nurse told me they were about to take me to the OR for a c-section! After all that excitement, Dave and I took badly-needed naps while my contractions continued every 2-4 minutes.

So I was shocked when the doctor said at 7:30 pm that I was still only 3 cm dilated. Had my labor stalled? I had been in labor for 17 hours, but was not technically yet in active labor! The doctor broke my water and administered pitocin. By 9:15, I had dilated to 9 cm and was running a fever. It was time to prepare to push and get this baby into the world! The doctor and nurses gave me instructions and encouragement, I pushed for about an hour, and out came a whole little person! It wasn't easy; I had tearing and an episotomy, which took a long time to stitch up, and M. still has a big hematoma on her head from the delivery. But finally, at 10:27 pm, we were officially a family of three.

Because of my fever, M. was whisked away to the NICU for antibiotics and observation. She was back in our recovery room, though, by Sunday morning. Just in time to meet the family!

We were discharged from the hospital on the afternoon of Monday, June 27th. My mom is staying with us and keeping us all alive, while Dave is taking care of everything else. I'm trying to recover from labor and learn how to be a mother to a newborn. But we couldn't be happier or more enthralled with our little baby. Welcome, Madeleine!

Farewell, My Sandblaster

This evening, Dave and I sold my 1999 Toyota Camry, with 185,000 miles on it, to a nice family through Craigslist. I think the Sandblaster is going off to a good home – the car is to be driven by the 16-year-old daughter, who just got her first job and is learning how to manage her money. Her parents were very lovely, and the father used to be a mechanic. They live about a mile away, so we might even see it around town! We got a price that was not all that we had hoped for, but it was fine. It was pretty much the best Craigslist transaction we could have expected, and there was none of the usual sketchiness.

While selling the car was a pleasant experience, I still felt a little wistful about letting it go. Allow me to indulge in some memories related to this vehicle:

(I never dented the car. That dent is from Dave, when he was driving jetlagged the day after our return from Taiwan. I have mostly forgiven him.)

-I drove my date, Nikhil Abraham, and myself to the junior prom in this car! Nikhil only had his mom's minivan to drive, so Dad said that we could use his car, but that Nikhil wasn't allowed to drive. Not sure that Dad should've trusted me with it, either – I believe it was my first time ever driving in high heels. I'm really telling this anecdote because I would like to brag that Nikhil and I won the informal category that evening of "Junior Prom's Scrawniest Couple." Nikhil's not in the picture below, but this was the only digital one I could find from that night:

-Stephen had this car for several years in Boston, but passed it down to me when I headed out to Michigan in 2006. It was in this car, in Michigan, that I learned:

• how to parallel park in a pressured situation (people waiting for you to park successfully before they can drive past)
• how to drive in the snow
• how to drive 9 hours between school and home without making a big deal out of it
• that I need to get a car's oil changed and tires rotated regularly
• what it is like being pulled over for a speeding ticket (only once, ever!)
• how to handle it when your neighbor dents your bumper (and your car is parked, and you're not even there)

 -Dave and I took our first roadtrip in this car! We went from Ann Arbor to Cincinnati to St. Louis to Memphis, where we were attending my good friend's wedding. We had a nice time overall on the trip, but we did learn some new things about each other. For example, I got really annoyed when we missed an important highway exit, because Dave was disoriented looking at the AAA map that had BOTH Kentucky and Tennessee on it. We resolved that since he is the better driver and I am the better navigator, we would default to those roles. This still holds true, but with a happy update: now that we have turn-by-turn GPS on our phones, Dave can drive AND navigate himself...and I can take naps!

Dave took this picture of me as we were heading out of town – so full of optimism

Despite the AAA map snafu, somehow we made it to Tennessee.

-I was glad to have this car when I moved to Long Island in 2013. There's great grocery shopping in our area, and I always felt happy when I could buy whatever heavy and bulky items I wanted at the store, throw it in the trunk, and just drive it home. A HUGE plus over Manhattan/Brooklyn living.

And now it is time to say goodbye! Now that Lumpy is nearly here, we wanted to have a more reliable car with better safety features. So...drum roll, please...our next car will be...a 2005 Toyota Camry!! That's right, we are upgrading from a 17-year-old Camry that used to be my Dad's and then Stephen's to an 11-year-old Camry that used to be my Dad's and then Stephen's! Hahaha. Can't argue with the price, that's for sure. But I don't imagine that I'll be driving this next Camry for a full decade, like I did the Sandblaster. Thanks for everything, Sandblaster!

37 Weeks

My due date is getting closer...and I'm getting larger!

I seem to be carrying nearly all the weight (approx. 30 extra pounds) in my belly! As the morning security guard at work says, "Mama, you carryin' ALL in front!" Hahaha. While I'm glad not to be puffy and swollen all over, there are definitely disadvantages, getting in an out of the seats on the Long Island Railroad being a major one. My balance is not so good anymore, and I've been reduced to a slow waddle, no matter how fast I want to get to my destination. The first week of the Institute was last week, and I'm still commuting daily and putting in a full day. It's been exhausting.

It's still hard for me to believe that Lumpy could arrive at any time! And that soon there will be a whole new miniature person for us to get to know and love and encourage. I'm still thinking in abstract terms of weight (estimated at 6 pounds, 5 ounces last week) and fetal heartbeat, still taking for granted that as long as she's still inside, I can nourish and protect her. As ready as I am to be relieved of the physical burdens of late term pregnancy, I already feel a little fear and anxiety about bringing her into this dangerous, unpredictable, and threatening world.

I also feel some anxiety about how much our lives will change. Dave and I already wish that we had more time to spend relaxing with each other, since work and commuting take up so many hours of the day. I'm sure we'll look back on these childless days and wonder why we ever felt that way. Tonight we took a (slow) walk to the nearest park after dinner and observed the little changes in the neighborhood, stared at the cute dogs trotting on their evening walk, and chatted about various things on our minds. It's going to be so much harder to communicate well and stay connected when we are both sleep-deprived, physically exhausted, stressed out about falling behind at work, and feeling like we each need more support from the other, while having no energy left to give.

But I know Lumpy will give us joy we can't even anticipate, and we are so fortunate to have the support of local family and friends (as well as the ones far away!). When I look at the piles of thoughtful gifts and all the baby items we've borrowed from others, I'm reminded that we're not in this alone. So we march forward, one day at a time, waiting for Lumpy to come! And even after she is here, it'll probably be the same — marching forward, one day at a time — but this time, as a family of three. Until then!

A Baby Shower for Lumpy

A few weeks ago, my mom and sister-in-law planned a lovely baby shower for me and Lumpy! It was held at a country club in West Chester. I was very happy that a lot of my relatives and my mom's friends could make it, but it was a bit far from New York for most of my friends. The theme was Peter Rabbit! I'm fond of the children's book, plus it makes for a sweet theme for spring. Grace came up with lots of charming decorating ideas, centered around vegetables and gardens:

The carrot party favor bags were filled with pretzels, and all the children got to take home a miniature Beatrix Potter story book. My mom designed the centerpieces with spring blooms and edible garnishes. Peter Rabbit would have munched away with delight.

Mrs. Carlson shared a special blessing on our gathering and little Lumpy:

I was glad Dave's mom and sister could attend!

We had a few activities: the mothers in attendance shared their parenting wisdom with me; we also participated in a Peter Rabbit quiz (which was not very easy) and folks tried to guess my preferences about which traits Lumpy will inherit from each of her parents.

A group of my friends were able to make the trip to help us celebrate! Look at our smiles:

And here we are, expecting mother and father:

It's funny – at the time of the shower, Lumpy's arrival still seemed quite far off. But now that I'm almost to 34 weeks, I feel that that's really changed! Now when people ask me about the due date, I can answer "around 6 weeks from now," which really puts it in perspective. We still have loads to do to prepare for Lumpy, and we're both trying to get a lot of work done now in anticipation of our productivity dipping (forever). But I just keep trying to remember that Lumpy won't care if the nursery has coordinated furniture, a hand-painted mural on the wall, and the latest in adorable baby gear; she'll just need to be fed, put to sleep properly, kept clean and warm, and loved and cherished. With the help of our families and friends, I think we can manage that! Now, if only I can manage the next several weeks...

Boston Babymoon!

All the cool (pregnant) kids these days seem to go on a "babymoon" to exotic locations, places where it'll be much more difficult to go to once the baby arrives. My spring break finally arrived this week – already in my third trimester! So we weren't going to be too ambitious in planning a big trip: we can't go to the Caribbean because of Zika virus; I'm sure I wouldn't tolerate a long flight very well; and mostly, I just want to sleep all day!

So we happily planned a low-key visit for a few days up to Boston. We've been saying for the past couple years that we would go up and visit our friends, and now we finally had the motivation to go. We found a place on Airbnb in Cambridge, which is apparently where all of our friends now live.

After a stroll around Harvard Square, we checked out some places along the Freedom Trail. We ate lunch at Quincy Market:

And checked out the Paul Revere House and Old North Church ("one if by land, two if by sea..."):

Must make time for North End snacks, of course!

For dinner, we drove out to Newton to see Sarah B., her husband, and her adorable toddler. Sarah B. is also expecting, due just 4 weeks after me! Here we are with matching socks and baby bumps:

The next day was rainy, cold, and fairly miserable. Perfect for a museum day! After a taco stop, we spent the afternoon at the Museum of Fine Arts (my first time there!).

They had quite a nice antiquities collection (for an American museum). I hadn't realized it earlier, but one particularly important vase is in their collection:

What's special about this 6th c., black-figure Corinthian vase? Well, it depicts Heracles on the left (with the bow and arrow), Hesione in the middle, and the sea monster that threatened Troy on the right (a somewhat obscure myth that I will not go into here). It's an odd-looking "sea monster," though, no? It really looks like an animal skull protruding from a rock. And this, friends, serves as evidence for how early Greeks interpreted the fossil record they encountered in their daily lives. How else to make sense of the strange, unrecognizable animal bones preserved in stone? Why, these are the mythological monsters of the past! Anyway, I do love this line of reasoning, and if you want to know more, I suggest you read the genuinely interesting and entertaining book I learned this from, Adrienne Mayor's The First Fossil Hunters: Dinosaurs, Mammoths, and Myth in Greek and Roman Times.

And now, back to vacation photos. We got to visit with one of my former roommates from Michigan, Christa, who now is on the faculty at Harvard and has two beautiful little kids! She also still has the two dogs Nien and Mika (plus their daughter) who first introduced me to puppy love. I don't know whether they remembered me, but I was sure happy to see them!

Before departing, we visited Townsman, a restaurant my brother Peter is invested in. I think it was a good choice, because the food was delicious, the location excellent (near the Chinatown T-stop and a close walk to Boston Common), the service accommodating, and there was a bustling lunchtime crowd. Everyone, go eat there!

 

And thus concluded our babymoon. Thanks to all our friends and family who made the time to see us! We hope to see you soon in Long Island, where you will be welcomed by all three of us!

The Big Announcement

I've been neglecting this blog...it's not that I haven't had much to say, but that I wasn't ready to say it. Now I'm ready to share our biggest news yet: I'm expecting! First, let me introduce you all to our "Lumpy":

And here's what I'm looking like these days:

 

 

 Some FAQs:

-Will you be having a boy or a girl?
It's a girl! We are very happy.

-How far along are you? When is your due date?
I am 29 weeks today. She is due July 3rd. She'll be a Freedom Baby!

-How are you feeling?
Relative to a lot of other pregnant women, I shouldn't complain. I'm able to eat and sleep and go to work every day. But I am feeling increasingly exhausted and have much less stamina than I used to. I need a lot of rest, so I'm trying to find ways to sneak it in (naps on the train, naps in my office chair, etc.), while conserving energy where I can (less socializing, carrying less weight in my backpack, etc.). The commute plus teaching back-to-back classes are the hardest parts.

-Are you getting time off from your work?
Yes! I'm still keeping my fingers crossed, as not everything has been signed on the dotted line. But it looks like I'll be teaching until I go into labor (I'll be as involved as I can with my summer program in June and early July). Once Lumpy comes, I'll be on temporary disability leave for several weeks, until my program ends. I'll be responsible for the final wrap-up administrative work in August/September, but then I get my usual fall annual leave in Oct.-Dec. Then I'll use my parental leave proper next spring, so I won't have to teach until Summer 2017. I know I complain a lot about my job, but this is one reason to be very grateful for it – and for my union. I will still have administrative and research responsibilities, but my schedule will be extremely flexible, and I will certainly have most days at home. Hurray!


-Are you excited?
Yes! But also nervous and scared about how much our lives will change and how challenging it is to know how to parent a child. Since I teach college students, I have a lot of exposure to people just as they leave their parents' home and set off on their own path; and wow, obviously some kids are going to be better adjusted than others, probably due in part to individual temperament and in part to how they were raised. It's so intimidating to think about how much influence we will have, despite our ignorance and lack of wisdom about so many things. Even worse, we might not discover the various consequences of our choices for a couple decades! But I know we'll cross each bridge as it comes, and in the meantime, I'm trying to enjoy this stage of waiting to meet our little baby. Just a few more months to go!