study in contrasts

I'm still getting used to my new academic home. Something that continues to surprise me every day is the contrast between the area just outside of campus and the campus itself. Here's what you see when you step off the subway, just two blocks from the campus gate:

 It's a little...scruffy.

Step inside, though:

The campus isn't large, but they've certainly given it that "collegiate" feel.

 This is the "lily pond," which is overlooked by a large windowed reading room in the library. Guess where you would find me, if I were still an undergrad!

 

tension

These days I'm feeling pulled in too many different directions. In each choice, both alternatives are desirable and plausible, and balance is elusive. This makes me very uncomfortable – I much prefer to evaluate the possibilities, select the best one, devise a plan of implementation, and then put it into action! I feel competent and effective, each step an imposition of my will on the world.

But now I feel paralyzed about major decisions involving career strategy and my personal life. I feel my lack of experience and wisdom so acutely. I've spent nearly my entire adulthood in school, which always provided me with an obvious step-by-step script to follow. But now I find myself in an unusual job – not only am I confused, but no one can advise me about how things "should" go or what the expectations for me are. My position is awkward because I am an assistant professor in one department, but I also direct a language program (LP) in a different location. I am to be evaluated in my performance at both aspects. Here are some areas in which I feel indecisive:

Conflict #1: What to do this fall?

• A. I should remain, or at least spend a significant amount of time, in NYC for my research time (Oct.-Dec.) in order to keep the ball rolling at the language program. When I'm physically away, important program priorities may stall, and as Director, I'm responsible for seeing them through. This will make the spring semester a lot easier to handle.

OR

• B. I should return to Michigan to live with my husband! I'm a newlywed, I'm miserable when we're apart, and this is an important opportunity to take advantage of. Also, as an assistant professor, it's imperative that I protect my research time in order to publish, publish, publish.

Conflict #2: Where to live?

• A. Because Dave is still seeking employment in the metropolitan area, I should avoid paying a broker's fee and signing a lease as long as possible. He could get a job in New Jersey or Connecticut or upper Manhattan, which would greatly affect where we live. By waiting to see what happens, I invest in the idea that we will be living together soon, a hope I must nurture to stay sane.

OR

• B. I should invest in a place and a neighborhood so that I can feel more settled and happy. I'm a nesting-type person, and my mental health will improve when I have a place that meets my needs, even if I find it problematic and expensive later to be locked into a location that turns out not to be suitable.

Conflict #3: Where should I spend my time at work in NYC? Nothing can replace the serendipitous interactions that arise from simply "being around."

• A. I should focus on putting in face time in my own department. This was the advice of a friend who just finished his first year on the tenure-track. These are the people who will mentor me towards tenure and vote on my tenure file, and this is where my primary appointment lies.

OR

• B. I should focus on putting in face time in the location of the LP, which is in a different borough from my department. This was the advice of the previous director of the program. A lack of personal connections at the location of the LP has been detrimental for the program, and one of my big priorities is raising our profile and emphasizing our benefit to the larger institution. 

 Advice? Obvious answers? If you've got 'em, I want to hear 'em!

East Coast Arrival

Dave and I drove to Brooklyn last week, and I'm starting to get settled in. A dear friend from college is allowing me to sublet from her during the next several weeks. While Dave was still in town, we spent time with our families, a big reason for looking forward to moving to New York. We spent a night with his parents, and then headed down to see my family in Pennsylvania.

It was a very West Chester weekend! This necessarily entails tons of good eating (thanks to my mom and her garden):

Lobster Cobb salad! Homegrown beans! Fresh popovers! Steak!

Our visit to WC coincided with the presence of my favorite niece, the Florette. She has become so outgoing and smiley and fun! She also knows how to water the plants:

Although an expert gardener, she is still learning to share.

 "Will you please share a raspberry with Auntie K?" "Hmmmm..."

"Nah, I think I prefer not to!"

The time to leave the countryside came all too quickly, and now I'm back in the city, and off to work!

O, Canada!

I leave on Wednesday for several weeks in New York City, so we decided to go on a final summer adventure this weekend. The Destination:

Even after all these years, I had never visited Windsor, Ontario, just across the river from Detroit, despite its reputation for good dim sum and...gambling. So off we went:

We managed to get the world's nosiest customs agent at the border. The best question he asked us was, "Other than the personal clothes on your body, what are you bringing into the country?" Well, a lot of things, I guess, sir: there's the car we're sitting in, which also contains my purse with hand sanitizer in it, and here's a water bottle, and my sun hat. Should I mention the old ipod in the glove compartment? I guess we are bringing a frisbee in the trunk, along with spare grocery bags. Is that what you meant?

Our favorite dim sum place in Ann Arbor recently closed up shop, essentially in the middle of the night. So we hit up May Wah Inn, where the dim sum is carried by the staff on a cafeteria tray past each table. Canadian-style?

Then we unpacked the bikes and hit the riverfront biking path, which links several beautiful parks.

From across the river, does this really look like the largest city to file for bankruptcy in U.S. history?

Our favorite part was probably the Windsor Sculpture Park.

Ready to join the traveling circus!

Before dinner in Little Italy, we strolled around historic Walkerville. The areas that looked safe were also quite charming:

We returned to America after dinner and made a quick stop at the Renaissance Center, the headquarters for GM in downtown Detroit. It was only okay, but no one broke into our car while we went inside, so we were happy.

Hard to believe that summer is coming to an end...

(Feedback sought: I'm experimenting with the photo collage trend. Yea or nay?)

Bittersweet

Summer in this college town is drawing to a close. I'm seeing lots of U-Haul trucks in the student residence areas, more professors in their offices, more emails in my inbox. I'm starting to get ready to move on – with the help of a little push from my old university! This week, my dear alma mater <cough> began to cut me off. My laptop stopped connecting to the campus wi-fi; my carrel is being repossessed by the library. And I'm now consistently greeted in the hallways with the well-meaning questions, "What are you still doing around here?" "Aren't you leaving soon?"

Humphrey the Thesis Carrel Camel has abandoned his old post.

Today I returned my last library books and gutted my desk in the shared graduate student offices. I haven't worked there for years (our department library is so much lovelier), but there's a new finality to the acknowledgement that I must clear my space so that an incoming graduate student can occupy it. Isn't that the strange thing about schools? That consistent turnover is desirable, a sign that students have properly progressed to the point where they can leave.

I'm comforted by the knowledge that I will soon get new wi-fi passwords, new interlibrary loan privileges, a new I.D. Still, it stings just a bit to recognize that I must make way for others to take my place.

two wheels

I went biking today with Dave. I'm going to pretend that I typed that nonchalantly, like this is a totally normal thing for me to do. There it is.

We went for a nice, leisurely 10-mile ride along the Huron River:

Deep and Wide

Shallow and Narrow

There were close encounters with nature:

And an old historic mill at the end of the route:

This was our longest ride yet, and its length permitted me some time for thinking. Here are a few of my thoughts:

• I'm going up a hill. How do the gears on this thing work again? Now I'm going down a hill! Stupid "adult" bike!
• What happened to the kickstand? Stupid "adult" bike!
• That's a very small child ahead on the path. Could I be described at the moment in any way as "careening" or "out of control"?
• Wheeeeeee!

I do hope I'm growing in confidence, and could someday go for a ride without needing step-by-step instructions from Dave. The next goal: to ride my bike in a designated bike lane on the road to another park. It's only a short stretch during which I'd need to share the road. Wish me luck, and no wobbles!

Hurry Up and Wait

I'm slowly easing into my new job over the course of the summer, and it's been quite the learning experience. A significant portion of my job is concerned with directing a language program, which means that I will be responsible for some important (and many more non-important) decisions.

It's the rhythm of the decision-making process that has surprised me. A mini-crisis will arise. Emails will fly back and forth, widely cc'ed, bringing everyone up to speed. Conference calls will be arranged, or in-person meetings when possible. We will discuss possible strategies, anticipate consequences, organize the order of action and who is responsible for what. Memos are composed, shared, rewritten, and approved. All in about 24 hours. My brain will be on fire.

And then...I wait. Sometimes for weeks! A crucial administrator is taking a well-earned vacation. A long-planned meeting is suddenly canceled because someone else has a bigger emergency, and it can't be rescheduled for ten days. The people I've turned to for advice will follow up with me and ask me about what decision has been made or what end result has been reached. I don't know!

And now I don't know what to expect after the waiting stage. Will the mini-crisis suddenly be resolved, with a decision handed down from on high? Will it require several more days of emails and conference calls, each round likewise separated by weeks? How do I know when it's actually over? And in the meantime, how do I return to concentrating on my other responsibilities? So much to learn...